Happy Birthday, Merritt! I didn’t know it was your birthday! Since I do now, I’m going to buy you a new outfit to wear on Fridays after your columns come out. I think Juicy makes a cute Kevlar warm up.

You’re closing my 30s a bit early. I just turned 39 this morning so hold off on the drawing to a close thing.

BusyGuy despises cheap sentiment, but begrudgingly realizes that birthdays are special (only to the honoree, of course) and in his unwaveringly gracious way would like to wish his friend Miss Merritt many happy returns. He would also like to remind her that hell will freeze over before he pulls his wallet out to buy her a gift, so he hopes her expectations will remain appropriately low.

I’m thinking of aging backwards like Mork, next year I’ll be 38.