Showin’ it All at the Pool, Not Always Cool
I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with being proud of your body or anything but I do think that maybe there should be some guidelines in place for the following situations:
- Women over a certain age in super skimpy bikinis. There is a HUGE diff between a regular two piece and a strappy scrap of fabric that shows the c-section scar.
- Tatoos that used to be tiny but now cover a bit more surface if you know what I mean. You never want your once charming little ”Phi Delt” to show if expanded to Phhhhhiiiiiiii Delllllt.
- Hair doesn’t belong in some places. The good news is that there are inexpensive procedures for that.
12 Comments to “Showin’ it All at the Pool, Not Always Cool”
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You have completely intimidated me from wearing my Speedo to the UP Pool, now. Thanks a lot.
On the same lines as phi delt, i’ve seen some former butterflies that now look like Mothra.
Dear Merritt,
As my children say, “I am ROTFLMAO”
However, the picture you paint cannot compete with the overweight German grandmother on the beach in Spain working on her topless tan. It still makes my eyes hurt to be reminded about it. But, as long as it does not scare little children, who cares, don’t look.
Regards
Sounds like the UP Pool needs to sell Turlington’s Lower Back Tattoo Remover. (Sorry, couldn’t find a family-friendly link to this SNL commercial.)
Sadly, I realized this year that I have officially graduated to the “skirted suit” set. You know…I’m one of those moms wearing the Miraclesuit (”Lose 10 lbs. in 10 seconds!”), rather than the butt-floss bikini. Don’t get me wrong; the Miraclesuit does a great job at squishing my love handles both north and south, forward and aft, thus generating a more pleasing profile. But trying to pull a Miraclesuit back up after you’ve used the restroom at the pool is like squeezing into scuba gear while wearing a hoop skirt. Memo to Charles Geilich: I think UP pool patrons would be totally wowed by the sight of you wearing a banana hammock. Don’t let Merritt hold you back, bad boy!
TMI
One should not wear a swimsuit smaller than the one your TEENAGER is wearing.
I don’t think age is the determining factor in size of swimsuit. Shape is. If you’ve still got the shape to pull off a skimpier outfit, go for it. If not, see above comments about expanding Phi-Delt and butterfly tatoos, and cover up accordingly.
The tramp stamp is pretty bad - but most women who move up in the cougar ranks really need to be watching out for the spiders creeping out. That’s the true sign you need to hang it up and move to jorts and a t-shirt.
Captcha: promotion Weight
There are some people who just don’t get it. These are the types who buy the house on the corner of I-75 and lover’s lane thinking they can fit in (really desperate to live in the PC) but the wife (probably the second or third) shows up at the UP pool with silicone and a tramp stamp and a teeny bikini (and probably fake lips, too) Go back to mesquite, valley ranch or where ever you came from.
The old saying is still true: Money cannot buy CLASS
(sorry Clem, that Kan o’Klass you bought at Stuckey’s isn’t doing it for ya)
How many phi delts did you date before you got the tattoo?