Re: Enough With The Bullies

I recently had to make a very tough call on this subject. I made a call that I hope no one ever has to make, and one that I hope no one has to receive.

I called the mother of a bully.

One of my children was getting constantly harrassed, ridiculed and bullied at school. I first went through the school channels and asked the advisory teacher to separate the bully from the bullied, talk to the kids about bullying, feelings, etc. That didn’t work. I gave my child every tool in a psychologist’s tool box to help cope, deflect and diffuse the mean comments. That didn’t work. After almost seven months of having my child come home anxious, depressed, dejected and humiliated, I called the mother of one of the bullies. Maybe I waited too long to take action but no one — not the school, not the parents — likes to make waves. I certainly didn’t because the bully I was dealing with is the grandchild of a very prominent resident of HP who everyone knows. I really didn’t want to make waves with that family.

I was scared and shaking and really sorry to have to make that call. I didn’t know this mother and she didn’t know me — in fact to this day I don’t think we’ve ever laid eyes on each other — I didn’t know how she would take my phone call.

She was lovely. She was so sorry that her child had hurt another child. She was kind and compassionate and empathized with me about how difficult it must have been for me to make that call. She said she would speak to her child and apparently she did, because my child has been in a much better state of mind and doesn’t have any horror stories about the school day anymore.

By the end of our conversation, I was sobbing. She remained kind and patient while I gulped and hiccupped and told her how much I appreciated her kindness.

I wish I hadn’t had to call her. I wish she hadn’t gotten that phone call. I wish the teachers with whom I asked for help would have taken stronger action in the first place. I wish all schools, all counselors, all teachers, all parents and all students would take a very strong stand — not lip service — about a zero tolerance for bullying. I wish for a much better school year next year for my child.