Shut Up at Church
I think I might be having such a crappy (am I allowed to use that word, Jason) week because I was not able to worship properly last Sunday.
I go to Park Cities Baptist Church and I must say this is rarely a problem but Sunday I felt like I was on Candid Camera. I kept looking around to see if my pew mates were equally as annoyed. This guy in front of us had his arm around his wife, fine. But he was rubbing her back. As if the motion itself was not distracting enough he had callused hands and the wife was wearing a poly-blend. So the sound was just a half notch below nails on a chalkboard. Then (hold your hate mail please) there was a baby a few rows behind us. It wasn’t crying but cooing, really loudly. Cooing babies are cute but not in a reverently quiet setting. I mean it was LOUD. With the poly-blend sound in front of me and the baby noises behind I was about to flip my lid.
Then there was the cell phone ring. It was somewhere within 10 rows. PLEASE, people.
Then a woman nearby started a full blown cough attack complete with the audible spitting of mucus.
I’m thinking of converting to Catholicism so I can drink wine at church
Or you can just join us at the CONTEMPORARY service (in jeans) where all of this will be drowned out by the Christian Rock Band. Your children will thank you.
You’re right — God hates loving spouses, babies, and sick people. And poly blends. I think it’s right there in the Bible (Park Cities annotated edition).
You can also join Catholicism for the great fitness regiment. Kneeling down and standing up repeatedly is a GREAT areobics routine!
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